Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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