Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
