i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
