Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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