can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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