I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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