Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
