wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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