I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
