marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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