Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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