i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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