So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
