My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
