there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
