She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Randomize
