i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
