Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
