based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
