If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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