Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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