that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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