Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
