Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
