So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
