Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
