You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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