I faked an abortion last night.
I just threw up on my dentist
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize