bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
