id be glad to
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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