what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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