i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
