An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
