Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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