You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
