Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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