HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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