Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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