Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
