dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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