Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
