Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
