so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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