I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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