We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
