We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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