fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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