Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
