my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
