if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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