evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
