I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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