You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
