24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
