the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
