Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And then my night got REAL pukey
last night I used snow as a chaser
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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