so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
