I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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