Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
