Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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