Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
