once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
