two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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