so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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