Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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