Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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