I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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