Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My hand turned me down
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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