Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
